This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
