Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
