i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
