Absence makes the cock grow harder.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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