She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
