The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Found your dick twin last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
