I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
