i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
