Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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