I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
