Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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