Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
