How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
