This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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