The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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