Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
