we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
