in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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