You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
