Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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