i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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