It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
