At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
