Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She said her name was "party"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
