did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
