I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
