WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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