Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
