Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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