No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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