shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
