so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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