"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
