bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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