I love black thongs
Pappa wants mamma naked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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