I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
