and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
