i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
