we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize