did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
one might say we're banned from that church
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
