Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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