I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
birth control should be required to get into college
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
