guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
