you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
