It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
