The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
