You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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