I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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