How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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