glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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