She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
