So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
