She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
