We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize