I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
