Less talking, more tequila
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
