i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize