I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
