i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
