I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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