So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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