We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
