just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Best friends brother. Beat that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
