i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
