Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
