i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
