I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
