I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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