There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
