I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
