i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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