fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
