Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
