So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
