Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
