I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You did what with his pubic hair?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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