Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
