My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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