I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
